I faked an abortion last night.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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