so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
