True but thats because hes a fetus.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
