Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Randomize
