Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I supernannyed him into submission
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
