i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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