There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
