he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
