there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
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