Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
