Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
