You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
