you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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