Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
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