OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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