White coat. Heels.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
