I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
