wake up i wanna do it froggy style
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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