I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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