Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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