i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
