Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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