so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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