They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
