How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize