just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
