So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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