In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize