Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
