So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
