its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
