Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
