Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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