it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
My liver just broke up with me...
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
