My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
