dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
