he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
