I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize