the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I need a burrito and a hug.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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