I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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