Kiss
Puke
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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