Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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