i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
