i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
