he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
