I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
