1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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