You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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