Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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