Plan B is the new Plan A
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
