R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
