I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
