I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
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