I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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