Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
