Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
