hell yes lets make some ravioli
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
