Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
false alarm. still invincible.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
