I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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