What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
