Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
