It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
