You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
