WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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