The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
