The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
