I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize