I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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