i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
