So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
