but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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