I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
