so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
