They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize