I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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