I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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