i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
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