I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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