Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
